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What a load of…

Yes, I previously said I’m not in the habit of sharing people’s fantasies. Then I got this email yesterday, and it made me seriously question whether or not Sebastian Faulks’ Birdsong has any erotic value AT ALL.

Hi babe.

I am desperately seeking a girl who can poo in my mouth. I like to lick and eat girls poo. I can do this every day and I did, but in my country.At the moment I am in London and 26 without scat girl friend 😦 can you help me? I am good looking guy from Slovakia and I really need girls poo. But unfortunately I cannot pay for this.

Please help and thanks in advance!

S.

Doesn’t the Rough Guide have a chapter on this? If they don’t, they’re missing a trick. What could be worse than being stranded in a foreign country without a scat girl friend? Oh. That’s right: being stranded in a foreign country and facing the possibility that you might have to pay for da poop. I can see where the panic is setting in.

I wanted to help, really, I did*. But – aside from the fact that I’ve never offered scat as a service – it would just be impossible. So I replied:

Dear “S”.

Thank you for your enquiry.
Unfortunately this is not a bodily function I experience, due to my gender.
My waste products are processed into glucose at source and then spun at a high temperature, and I am unable to simply give this substance away when people pay a reasonable price for it.

Best wishes

Miss Hunter

Candyfloss, anyone?

*May, in fact, be a lie.

3 responses

  1. I ❤ you. That is all.

    January 18, 2012 at 2:30 pm

  2. Ass candy. Mmmm.

    8-0

    January 19, 2012 at 1:38 pm

  3. Nick

    Very amusing, I really like your responses to these random advances!

    November 1, 2015 at 5:59 pm

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