Or; why I don’t offer same-day sessions.
Excellent for deterring those pesky Neck Pigeons.
Look, I get it. I know it’s exciting and nerve-wracking, and that sometimes you suspect that if you don’t just get it done then and there, you’ll never do it.
Am I talking about tattoos? Actually no, but there’s certainly an analogy in there. I’m sure plenty of places like tattoo and piercing parlours have a similar level of “Hi can you see me today?” requests.
You might think that it’s “worth a shot” or “can’t hurt to ask”, but actually as a first timer sending me a line like the above just indicates to me that you haven’t thought this through at all, and, more importantly, you don’t care that:
a) it’s an experience with me, as you couldn’t care less who is smacking/shouting at you, you just want it from anybody and,
b) that perhaps, just perhaps, I want to actually enjoy said experience too.
The guys who write 1-2 line emails like the above are not going to lead to sessions I’m interested in. I have no desire to be the “you’ll do” for your impulse wank fantasy, and if you can’t even be bothered to write a paragraph about what sort of session it is that you are even interested in, you certainly do not deserve the level of detail, planning and energy I put in to my scenes.
I state on my website that I usually require 3-4 days’ notice for bookings. This is an estimation, and sometimes that notice can be stretched to as little as 24 hours. Same day? No.
Well for starters because that is how I do things. Which should be the end of that explanation, but things on the internet often need spelling out a little more. So…
) I don’t live in a venue. Nor do I work from home. The various places I do offer sessions from are all studios, rooms or dungeons that I pay to hire, chosen for their suitability to each enquiry. They also all have their own calendars to juggle, meaning that not only is it harder to shoehorn additional bookings in with no notice, but it’s also a bit disrespectful to the owners of the venues. You give me notice, which gives them notice. Everyone’s feeling more relaxed.
2) I have a full and busy life outside of creating and running scenes and parties. Which means I don’t just sit around in a venue all day waiting for the phone to go. That would also be creepy due to point 1).
3) I need to plan. Just because you’ve said that it’s going to be a “standard school-theme session/usual headmistress stuff” doesn’t mean that I’m going to just autopilot from cold. Even the sessions in which I’m requested to be dressed casually (not yet had one asking for me in sweatpants or a onesie, mind…) and be super informal are still thought through. I need to know someone’s previous experiences/current expectations, and be in the most receptive headspace to read the reactions and body language of whoever I’m playing with so that I can deliver the optimal experience that I am known for. So much of what I do that is devastating to you is non-physical, and without sounding like a total wanker, it’s actually quite full-on both emotionally and physically for me. I’ll usually be pretty damn tired after a few hours of play, no matter how exhilarating it was. It’s not a bad thing, obviously, but it’s something I’d love more people to bear in mind.
4) Anticipation is a cruel and wonderful thing. I love knowing that the person I’m going to be playing with is having to have at least one night’s sleep with the tingling, inexorable awareness in the back of their mind that an intense, and possibly terrifying, experience is going to happen. Even if someone doesn’t directly dream about the upcoming session, the trepidation starts a chemical reaction in the body that just isn’t there for something last minute. Too subtle for some, maybe, but the devil is in the detail, as they say.
5) This list shouldn’t need to be this long, so just respect my time and energy, and reap the eventual endorphin reward, smug in the knowledge that I had a fun/satisfying time too.
Due to continuing disappointing behaviour from errant pupils, Miss Hunter has space set aside in her diary for detentions in her study in Central London.
30 minute detentions: A proper Short Sharp Shock. No nonsense, no messing about!
Exceptional miscreants can commence the detention with six-of-the-best, cold, on a bare bottom over the school horse. Those who are (ever so slightly) less deserving of such harsh treatment will get a good spanking, strapping, paddling and then a caning.
One Hour Detentions: A broader detention experience for young men and ladies who benefit from extra punishment such as writing lines, corner-time, being scolded, and sitting the test they cheated on that got them into this kerfuffle in the first place. Also, of course, longer punishment!
Contact Miss Hunter’s secretary using the email
secretary @ hellomisshunter . com
(remove the spaces)
The leaves are browning, the sky is grey (that’s not terribly particular to just autumn and winter though, let’s be honest. Hello UK!) and Aslan is on the move, or something.
As folks who attend/follow the Slayers parties will have seen, there is our final party of 2014 happening on October 30th. Following this date, my availability for any private/double sessions will be very limited until the end of the year.
(The above is a young man who came to see me for detention recently. His handwriting suffered due to my thrashing him with a plimsoll as he wrote the phrase. Shame.)
Anyone wishing to definitely see me in 2014 for detention/torture/interrogation/interrobang?!/scolding/scalding (maybe not) /general merciless teasing/sadism/sarcasm and/or surrealism over a delicious soundtrack, should get in touch ASAP to book in for my remaining October dates. Otherwise you may end up disappointed and sadly unscathed. How rubbish.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you…